Back in November I entered the world of social media through Facebook. I later added Twitter and, now this, a web site for ranting incoherently about the things that make my world tilt at uncomfortable angles.
I really don’t understand the ins and outs of all this technological wizardry – I can barely operate my own email account.
My friends have phones that can take pictures, write letters, post things on Facebook, tweet, and give erotic massages without fear of legal consequences. I still own the first cell phone I ever bought, a small flip phone that won’t even text. When I hear other people talk about all the apps on their phones, my head explodes trying to understand what that even means. In my tiny twentieth century world, an app is something a person orders off a menu in a restaurant to eat before the rest of their meal arrives. I imagine there is a phone app that will cook my meal for me, too, but I do not possess such an electronic wonder.
Things get even worse once I get onto my computer, which is the only place I can currently access social media. When I started posting things on Facebook I occasionally commented on my own comment, because I didn’t have the technological savvy to even figure out who it was I was communicating with.
Twitter is even worse for me. What I used to think was a pound sign is now a hash tag. I tried doing something with a hash tag not too long ago… Jimmy Fallon had a contest to see who had the weirdest dating story. All they had to do was send it to him or the hash tag; I never did figure out which. And maybe that was the problem. I ended up tweeting a completely unrelated blurb about dating my wife to a bunch of followers who must now think I’m senile or just socially inept. And they may be right. Either way, I pity them all for getting on the receiving end of a writer who is as competent with 21st century devices as Forrest Gump with a ray gun.
I will send this blog out on my computer, because that’s all I know how to do, and hopefully it will not mess up my email or my doorbell or my washing machine. But if it does, all I have to do is find some kid in the neighborhood to come over and fix things and make them all go back to normal, whatever that is.
One day I’d like to know the difference between a post and a comment, a megabyte and a dog bite, a tweet and a chirp. I would like to absorb all this information before my head implodes and my flip phone melts.
But maybe there’s an app for that, too.

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5 responses »

  1. Reblogged this on No Goofs at thewordverve and commented:
    Beautiful!

  2. Lou Fisher says:

    My, you are behind the times. Do you at least have a DVR? If you can afford an iPad, you’d find it a wondrous tool that brings you into the world of apps and internet browsing and so much more. There’s even an app called Art Studio that lets you draw, paint, etc. right on the iPad screen. With most cable tv systems, the iPad can also be a portable tv to any room. As for music — wow.

    Of course you’d need a router to provide the wireless wi-fi connection.

    Lou

    >

  3. rickintampa1 says:

    Lou, I do have a DVR, but I don’t even understand about half of the other stuff you just mentioned… Baby steps. Baby steps….

  4. Diane Snyder says:

    Hey, I knew you before the technology boom! You’ve come a long way baby, though perhaps it did take a bit of dragging…

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